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Strengthening a relationship is a very big subject. Countless retreats, seminars, books, counseling sessions and advice columns try to address this. In my experience counseling is the best way to find an answer. Retreats are a good way to learn what questions you should be asking each other, when taking a relationship "to the next level."
People who move in together often do not look at the big picture. They look at the money, location and even the sex. "I'm here all the time and work is just over there, so lets do this." But, there are deeper questions. Who is going to pay for what? How are chores going to be split up? What are the expectations for spending time together? What is the bathroom schedule? Do you really keep your place clean or do you only clean it when you know I am coming over?
It is my opinion that what causes the most strife in a live in relationship is the expectations for the relationship. Some, view moving in as "marriage-lite," while others view it as a "move" with little change in the relationship. Marriage comes with obligations and expectations that just should not be fulfilled by a dating (even if "exclusive") relationship. If, you try to shove the freedom of a boyfriend into the bonds of marriage, you will create friction. If, you try to shove the expectations of a wife on a girlfriend, without the security of marriage, there will be friction. Regardless of who it is, if one person is expecting total dedication of time, emotions and resources and the other is planning to keep their life and relationship separate there will be problems.
Another common problem is when you move in with someone, it is "his/her place" instead of "our place." There becomes two sets of stuff in the home "his and hers" and there is little "ours." Moving in together should really be moving into an "our" place. I would even suggest new furniture, cookware and towels. You should both bring in decorations and memorabilia from your separate lives, but your new place should be a platform for your life together to spring forward, not a combining your lives apart.
But, we already live together, what can we do now? My first suggestion is counseling. Most people see moving in together as a stepping stone to "forever." Premarriage counseling, or couple's therapy, will allow you to consider all those things "no one tells you about."
If, you think this is to much and moving to fast, then spend some time apart. Go away for the weekend with the girls, or arrange a weekend for him with just the guys. He is most likely missing guy time anyways. The time apart will allow you to do some soul searching and just get out of each others hair. When you come back together, sit and talk. Ask him what he wants to be different, how you can make this better, then give him the same opportunity. I really feel that after some time apart, you will have a better picture of what is going on.
Go into this knowing it may be time to move on. I have been with women who were great. She "got me" we had great chemistry and enjoyed enough of the same things to really have a great time. However, our lifestyles just were not compatible. We could have adjusted and made changes, but in each case we would have sacrificed something that made us, well, us. This may be your case, but it is better to face that now than later.
Finally if he moved in with you or you moved in with him, look at getting a new place together. It doesn't matter if its practical or you can afforded it right now. Begin making the plans for "one day soon" and mean it. Really look at the features and benefits of a new place. What does he want, what do you want? What colors are "you", what colors are "him" and where can you meet in the middle? What location do you two want? If ,after looking at new place, you are scared, worried, unsure or think this is too soon/fast; then you may not be ready to live together. Your relationship has not evolved to that point, regardless of your reasons for moving in together.
Talking, talking and more talking is the first key to defusing a bad situation and strengthen a relationship. The second key is acting. Once you both have decided how you can happily live together, it is important to make the changes needed.. Regardless of how you get there, the only way to improve any relationship is determine where it needs improving and then fix it.
Best Wishes, GG
Guy Gray,
http://openhismind.blogspot.com
Guys or Girls : Whats your opinion about women who Deliberately let there thong be visible ?
Over the waist band or the ever popular lite thin cotton pants with dark colored thong.
Its good to know i'm not alone
)
I think that that is nasty. People just look for attention that way......if they want attetions they should wear something that's not nasty. People should wear their clothes with some common sence. Okay well I hope this was good enough.
xXx Hope you my answer. xXx
Too Wampus Women episode 2 "Nuts Lite"
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