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Maya Dust
Yeah, it's one of THOSE questions again. Sorry, guys.?
Okay. I'm really sorry. Tell me what you think of a very short exerp from my book, and what I can improve on.
He chuckled, a throaty sound. As if he had been inhaling dust. “You’ve got spunk, girl. It’s too bad I’m gonna have to kill you.” He bared his teeth in a smile, but it didn’t look right. Forced.
I clenched my fists, feeling Maya and Marc’s eyes burning a hole in the back of my head, my neck. They must have thought I was insane.
And then I jumped him.
He hollered in surprise, treating me as if I were an angry mother bird that had landed on his shoulder, pecking at his head. He bucked and swung, but I had a good grip around his neck. Though I wasn’t heavy or big boned by any means—I was no feather. My entire weight, each time he tried to buck me off, constricted his airways. Within seconds, his face had changed from smug and triumphant to a strangled purple hue.
Action scene! Whaddya think? Thanks in advance!
Here's how I'd revise it. I write a lot of film noir style stuff so it's right up my alley.
"He chuckled low in his throat, as if he had been inhaling dust. "You've got spunk, girl," he bared his teeth in a smile that was anything but sincere, "it's too bad I'm gonna have to kill you."
I clenched my fists, feeling Maya and Mark's eyes burning a hole in the back of my head and my neck. They must have thought I was insane.
And then I was on my feet. I put my left arm out like a hook and caught him around the neck when he tried to duck out of the way, and used my weight to swing around to his back.
He hollered in surprise, his hands clenching my forearm as he tried with increasing desperation to free himself from my grasp. Sure, I wasn't heavy or big-boned by any means, but I was no wilting flower either. Each time he tried to buck me off, I constricted my arm tighter, and within moments, his smug demeanor gave way with his knees and cosnsciousness."
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Another great place to shop for Maya Dust products is Amazon. They have more than just books!
![Buenos Dias, Noche (Buongiorno, notte) [NTSC*/ Region 4 Import - Latin America] Maya Sansa, Luigi Lo Cascio (Spanish subtitles)](http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51fcyx0oiuL._SL75_.jpg)
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Buenos Dias, Noche (Buongiorno, notte) [NTSC*/ Region 4 Import - Latin America] Maya Sansa, Luigi Lo Cascio (Spanish subtitles)
$19.94 Good Morning, Night is established writer/director Marco Bellocchio's take on the kidnapping of Aldo Moro, president of the Christian Democratic Party, which rocked Italian politics in the late '70s. Bellocchio tells the story from Chiara's point-of-view, as her romantic relationship with fellow cell member Primo (Giovanni Calcagno) and her allegiance to their strident leader, Mariano (Luigi Lo Ca... |
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Proporta Maya Digital Camera Pouch Case Cover Sleeve - White
$7.95 The Maya Digital Camera Case is the latest in stylish protection for your digital camera. Exclusively designed by Proporta, and handcrafted from the finest quality faux leather, this is a truly striking accessory that will keep your camera safe and sound and looking fantastic.... |
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Proporta Maya II Camcorder Pouch Case Cover Sleeve
$20.95 The Maya 2 Case (Flip Mino HD Camcorder) is the latest in stylish protection for your Flip Mino HD Camcorder. Exclusively designed by Proporta, and handcrafted from the finest quality faux leather, this is a truly striking accessory that will keep your camcorder safe and sound and looking fantastic.... |
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Proporta Maya Digital Camera Pouch Case Cover Sleeve - Black
$6.95 The Maya Digital Camera Case is the latest in stylish protection for your digital camera. Exclusively designed by Proporta, and handcrafted from the finest quality faux leather, this is a truly striking accessory that will keep your camera safe and sound and looking fantastic.... |
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Dust Tracks on a Road: An Autobiography (P.S.)
$5.99 Trade Paperback with 308 pgs. + 16 P.S. pages (Insights, Interviews & More) copyright 2006 - Candid, funny, bold, and poignant autobiography, an imaginative and exuberant account of her rise from childhood poverty in the rural south to a prominent place among the leading artists and intellectuals of the Harlem Renaissance. As compelling as her acclaimed fiction. "Told in gustsy language...her stor... |
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Light from the Dust: A Photographic Exploration into the Ancient World of the Book of Mormon
$28.76 Light from the Dust: A Photographic Exploration into the Ancient World of the Book of Mormon... |
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Lost Cities of the Mayas: The Life, Art and Discoveries of Frederick C
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Light My Fire TinderDust
$3.85 Fire building made easy, the pure and natural way. Don't build your fire with noxious fumes or harmful chemicals. Use the time-honored, organic method. A technique that resembles the centuries-old art of the native fire-builder. From the heart of the ancient Mayan Empire comes the remarkable product known as MayaDust. MayaDust is made from Pino de Ocote, a fatwood pine cultivated in the highlands ... |
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Light My Fire TinderDust
$5.99 TinderDust is shavings from TinderSticks packed in a convenient waterproof container that is easy to carry in your pocket or backpack. Gives maximum heat energy for minimal weight. Use TinderDust together with our Swedish FireSteel to light your campfire with ease.... |
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MAYA DUST CAMPFIRE STARTER, 1OZ
$4.43 TinderDust is shavings from TinderSticks packed in a convenient waterproofcontainer that is easy to carry in your pocket or backpack. Gives maximum heat energy for minimal weight. Use TinderDust together with our Swedish FireSteel to light your campfire with ease... |
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